Day 3 of Endometriosis Awareness Month

• Day 3 of #theendophotochallenge2018
  
  Symptoms;
  
  
  
  Severe Pain
  Anxiety
  Sciatica 
  Constipation
  Diarrhoea
  Vomiting
  Collapsing/Dizziness
  Hypertension 
  Migraines 
  Scar tissue pulling/pain/itching
  Deep vaginal pain
  Blood clots/Heavy bleeding 
  Infertility
  Irregular cycle
  Aneamia(low iron)
  Contraction pain (also related to Adenomyosis) 
  Pain in/on;
  
  Pelvis, back, lower back, ovaries, shoulders, ribs, intercostal, behind eyes from migraines, leg cramps, sciatica, bowels, uterine contractions, bladder pain, cysts rupturing on ovaries, passing clots, pain during sex/bowel movements/urination.
  
  #endometriosisawareness #endoflare#endopain #fightlikeagirl #endoaware#ovulation #ovarypain #bowelresection#surgeries #painlevelhigh#1outof10doesntworkforme #1in10#176millionwomen #weneedacure#spoonie #chronicpain #chronicillness#invisibleillness #stageivendo #staystrong#positivethinking #mentalhealth#positivevibes #powerofpositivity #healing#respect #bekind #friendship#mentalhealthawareness

Even the orchid has an Endo face...

pinterst.com

During the night the pain began. Slowly at first, just a small ache. Nothing to moan about. Gradually, the pain increases. I can feel it right down to my ankles which are now swollen. I elevate my legs for a time before attempting to go about my day. I think I manage pretty well, getting study done, some household chores and I even manage to gett my wall art up before I start feeling that overwhelming tiredness. The fatigue appears as if from nowhere, yet I know it's been building. My legs are sore and my ovaries are beginning to pull. It's time to get my water, pillows and a nice cup of tea. I settle in, as comfortable as I can get and manage to write up an assignment.

ladycarehealth.com (I'll let you know if this works for me)

As I am writing this post I am somewhat horizontal, packed up with pillows and cushions to keep my legs elevated (courtesy of Rodney). Dinner has just been made, which I can't even eat because I'm so bloated and uncomfortable there just isn't any appetite there. A movie "Afterlife" (fairly decent) is about to go on before we watch Brazil -v- Holland (I've a soft spot for the Dutch) play for third place in the World Cup, which of course they win.I have taken painkillers of course but we're all used to our usual merrigoround with Endo. Keeping myself calm and trying to remain relaxed is the key for me here so the pain doesn't take hold.

strikerno9.blogspot.com

Hoping to have a BBQ tomorrow, with my Mum coming over to watch the final game of the World Cup with us (Germany -v- Argentina, Ozil -v- Messi,) I've promised Rodney I'll cheer for Argentina although if Ozil does score I will be quite pleased. Let's hope it's a fair and intersting game.

Being completely restless I decided to watch "Cracks" after falling in love with Eva Green as you do when you watch Penny Dreadful.

thegeekiary.com

I must say she's only continued to get better with each role I've seen her in.Yes, I know I'm not really discussing Endo here but one can only attempt to describe pain so much until it becomes upsetting. I found the following on twitter and just had to share it with you lovely ladies.

(twitter.com)

I will wrap this ramble up with a goodnight to you all as the clock approaches 1:00 a.m. Beyond tired now I will head to bed, sit the pillow under my legs and read my latest JD. Robb until sleep comes. 

Till tomorrow, football and hopefully a less painful day.

XxxX

Keeping faith

4:10 a.m Sunday morning. I'm woken from a deep sleep by pain. I immediately stumble into the kitchen to fill up my hot water bottle, mental note really need to get a new heat pad. Groggy and uncomfortable I try to decide whether I should try to occupy myself with a movie because I know I'm not going to get back to sleep. I take my painkiller's hoping they will take the edge off and decide to climb back into bed and read my latest JD. Robb on my Kindle app to distract myself. I manage little cat naps, dozing on and off until the heat is gone and I need to refill. It's approaching 8:00 a.m when  I finally manage to drift off and I get a few hours rest. 

infertility.about.com

I decide that I need to get out though and push through the pain. Secured with my painkillers in my bag, my remedy I have been taking which is of more use than most pills I've been prescribed I go to visit my Mum and have a lovely afternoon with her. My pain is mainly centred on my left side, around my left ovary. It's the more active spot and there are times I would love to have a camera to hand to see what's actually going on. I know, you're thinking that I should go and have a lap done but it's not really that simple in my situation. From what I've been told they (Doctor's) can only roatate the ovaries so much before they become damaged plus with stage IV they know it's going to just grow back so they are only willing to operate if I want to conceive straight away.

More and more I have begun to establish my own faith. I trust in my belief's and when I'm at my worst I'm finding out more and more that that's what's getting me through. To know that it wont always be this way, that there are good days and bad and to know that I have to love and understanding of my family and friends is something I need to show more apprecaition for. Recently I got so bogged down in my own thoughts. I allowed my fears and old issues to overwhelm me and instead of talking I tried to shut the world out and "fix" myself. When you have a chronic illness you feel as if you are always giving out or moaning that there is something wrong with you and then on top of that for your mental health to suffer well let's just say I became consumed in sorting myself out and making myself a better person that to the people on the outside it seemed as if I was trying to cut them out of my life. 

As a human I know I'll make mistakes and learning that it's ok but not to hurt people on the way. I have no problem in apologising for my actions and the things I have said and done that have affected certain relationships. I will just try my best each day and keep talking so my thoughts don't get out of control again. Dealing with this is one thing. I know it's never going to go away but I need to make the best out of my situation. 

www.experienceproject.com

Today I am having a very bad flare up. I've my study materials beside me as well as my copy of "Human Chain" by Seamus Heaney. I'm not going to let this pain win. I collapsed while cleansing my spare room with Frankinscence but a slight graze on my hand is nothing to worry about. I will not take this lying down. I will however respect my limitations when I'm in this amount of pain and trust me I'm not likely to climb a ladder or do any heavy lifting today. But there are things I can do. I can stay positive. This is only temporary. I can enjoy my book, study and write. It's all about perspective and faith. I will light my candles and cast my spells and that too shall bring me comfort. 

One day I hope I will find a solution, a compromise where I have a quality of life, where I don't have so many bad days, where my body feels like my own again and where my dreams can be put into action. Until that day comes I will keep my faith. 

Hope you lovely ladies are all keeping well. 

XxxX

It's time to begin

It's official. I have gone one full week without a flare up or extreme pain! (I've had some pulling on the left ovary but it's minute) I'm feeling quite positive about this recent new lease on life. I'm not currently on any treatment either which is a nice break to be honest. I haven't taken any Primolut now for over two weeks and the headaches I was getting have already disappeared. I know I'm prone to migraines but it was everyday with the tablets.

I digress. I want this post to show really how positive I feel both mentally and physically at this very moment in time. There are several contributing factors to my attitude. I've mended friendships, begun new ones, strenghtened bonds and am in a loving relationship. I've also let some people go, woken up to alot of bs and I think, as corny as this is going to sound, grown as a person.

kent.edu

I've never really been able to find the words to describe how having this illness has affected my mental health. Physically, yes fine, I'll talk no bother at all. But when it comes to opening up about what's going on inside the noggin, well that's a completely different thing already. I've created a safe for my mind. Only I hold the keys and only I decide who gets to see inside.

etsy.com

Until now. It's been a very long and bumpy road, from first symptom to diagnosis and at times I have literally broken down not knowing if I'll ever feel pain-free, ever conceive, ever have a somewhat "normal" period (not one that lasts over 13days), ever have times where I can forget about my illness and just live. Just be me. Not the girl who has Endo and can't move because she's in such extreme pain or is so tired from blood loss that she has no energy or is going through depression because it's all just too much.

I have lost friends because of my illness. They would reach their limit of asking me to go out for coffee, or a movie, even just a chat and I would be crippled with pain. But, me being me I didn't fully explain what was going on with me because I didn't want them to look at me or treat me like I was sick. In truth, I was afraid if I told them about my Endo that they would walk away. Turns out the joke was on me. Not telling them realised my fear.

Over the years I have found my own coping method as I suppose everyone does given any difficult situation. I have had relationships. Some lasted quite a time, some were very brief. I remember having "the talk" with each boyfriend. When you are dating for a period of time and things get serious, naturally you start sharing your ideas for the future. I always felt it best to explain my illness early on, be up front and get it out there. This, I felt would avoid me getting in too deep. (I have a really terrible fear of being hurt due to past experiences. I'll deal. It's a work in progress). Especially as there's a huge question mark over my fertility. They all reacted well; mainly because they didn't fully comprehend what I was telling them. "Oh you have bad periods? Doesn't every girl?" Eh, not like this.  All of them at some point later on would come to me and want further discussion which of course I was happy to oblige. That's when the talking would get serious. I remember one guy actually looking it up on the internet the evening after I told him and then ringing me with a list of questions asking me about all of my symptoms so he could check them off one by one and suggest treatments for me. He was not a qualified Doctor and became a bit too controlling. It was too full on for me but probably his way of coping. Needless to say that ship sailed a long time ago.

As I got into my twenties and began serious relationships the topic of having children would occur. I would flat out shut this down. I realise now it was out of complete fear, after having gone through fertility treatment last year and trying to conceive for the previous three I know now that I was terrified that if I allowed myself to want something that much, to even think something positive could come out of this situation that my heart would be broken.

thesun.co.uk

Of course I never talked to anyone about how I was feeling or I would have known the rationale of the situation. There are other options and getting stressed is not exactly going to help me out. My life became consumed about getting pregnant. It was, period, intercourse, ovulation tests, pregnancy tests, negative, period, repeat. You get the idea. Then the fertility medication (Clomid) came into play. This, for me was a horrendous experience. Because my ovaries were being over-stimulated I was subject to side effects. The mood swings were uncontrollable. Happy and laughing one minute, crying the next. Physical pain from both ovaries reduced me to bedrest for days, sometimes weeks. It was unbearable.

I came to think; "I can't do this. How can I look after a baby when I'm in this much pain?" I decided to stop trying, to come off the fertility medication and to focus on rebuilding myself. I've realised that for me having a child is not the be all and all of the world but having a quality of life is defintiely a good place to start. I have been fortunate enough to have a good support network and a few really good solid friends who have stuck with me. I am grateful each day for these people in my life because when the bad days come you certainly do find out who's actually willing to be there for you.

I'm feeling much better now than I have in years and the only things really that I've changed are my relationships, my attitude and ok maybe my hair. Do I know how long this reprieve will last? Of course not! But while I'm feeling this good I intend to make the most of it. The next time I have a bad day I'm going to look back on this and remember this very moment where I'm typing in my favourite spot in my apartment, my coffee's gone cold, dishwasher is clanking in the background and my boyfriend's brother Olly is over for a visit. We stayed up last night and shared some white wine and a lot of laughs. The previous night my Bobi stayed over and we watched American Hustle and sniffed each other's nails. Also last week my Bobi and her friend visited Rodney and I in our apartment. I cooked, we had some drinks, listened to music, joked laughed and even had a little sing song. All pain-free.

As always love to my beloved Endo Sisters.

XxxxX

Keeping positive

Happy Wednesday everyone! I hope you ladies are hanging in there and staying as strong as I know you can be.

Personally, I'm doing ok. I've had some flare up's over the past few days and again the pain is heavily concentrated on my left ovary but my mind is in a really positive place and I have to admit that it really does help to express it rather than hold it in. Whether it's talking out loud, speaking with my Mum or Sis or even writing it down its proved very useful in the past and especially of late to keep me on track.

Living with Endo can be tiring and difficult at times and trust me it's not always been easy to be bright and bubbly about the situation. I've hit my walls and obstacles but with some support and the determination not to quit I've kept going, moving forward because looking back is ok to learn from but it's not a place we should live in.

I take each day now as it comes and try not to think too far into the future. I've come to realise there are limitations to what I can contribute on my life. Endo certainly isn't one of them. I can seek treatments, take care of myself, mind, body and soul and genuinely keep a positive mindframe. Whether my disease advances or lays dormant isn't something I can control so I'll do what I can, when I can and right now that's working for me.

The days when I'm in pain are annoying, tiring and sometimes quite upsetting but it's only temporary. For me the intensity does pass and while there's day pain you become accustomed to it. We truly have no understanding of what our bodies are capable of tolerating until it has to.

It's not an ideal way of life "living in constant pain" but who's to say what's ideal or not? As long as I can cope I will keep going and having positive people in my life works for me.

Love to my Endo Sister's
XxxxxxX

Midweek rant

Feeling somewhat frustrated on Tuesday afternoon trying to make my way through a very busy City Centre in hail, rain and shine (this is Spring in Ireland lads) I felt the familiar twins of a cyst twisting on my ovary, pinching me, building pressure and taking my very breath away. I can be as stubborn as a mule at times so I won't given and sit down when I feel that pain although this could also be due to the fact that I would consider myself to have a lot of inner strength (I'm the year of the Ox, might have something to do with it?). I did however pull my snood up over my nose, take some deep calming breaths and did my best not to publicly break down crying. Would have been mildly embarrassing. This was the first incident the boyfriend has actually witnessed and to give him the credit he's due he didn't freak or overly fuss. It can be incredibly difficult for people to get that balance just right but I think he managed it ok. I got through the initial waves a pain and spasms and it wasn't until later that evening that the cyst finally burst. I am prone to fluid-filled cysts and have been to A&E a few times because of them.
(If you have any signs of symptoms of cysts you should present to your Doctor of Hospital)
I get these quite regularly and some are worse than others but it's amazing how much pain we can actually handle. So, when I stumbled upon this graphic during the week I found it incredibly apt and I just thought it sums up alot of the time how women say to me they feel.

We'd love to say "up yours" to Endo, to our uterus, to our tubes, ovaries, wombs, colons, appendices and any other part that aches and gives us terribly unbearable pain. This should be put on a t-shirt. It's eye-catching enough to get people talking anyway.

On Monday I began taking Cyklokapron. It's something I do not like to rely on or have to use but it's time as I've been suffering with menorrhagia again. That and Primolut have become the only two "solutions" for me. According to my Specialist they need to be as conservative as possible with their approach. They must try to preserve my fertility and apparently there are only so many times they can "rotate" the ovaries.

Everytime I attend the hospital I see a different member of the team with a different viewpoint, a trying to make a name for themselves. When you're eighteen they want to operate and pump you full of drugs and hormones and damn the long term effects but ten years later when your chart is one of the biggest the have, when nothing's worked for you, when even the specialist has said "I dont know what to do with you" you feel like you have become a nuisance to them. You're now that black mark on their record.

Should it be this way? Of course not! But how does one person make that change?
By saying;

Stay strong my Sister's. Love you ladies XxxxX 

A shout out to my Supporters

Recently I've noticed on Facebook a trend on some of the Endometriosis Support Groups to have a "shout out" to your biggest supporter. It's a fantastic idea and a greatway to let your lived ones, friends, family whoever really, fur babies included that you acknowledge and appreciate their support whether your at the beginning, middle or end of your journey with this illness.

I know sometimes. I get caught up with different things and especially when I'm having a bad time with my Endo I can forget about what my family might need.

Honestly my biggest supporters have to be my Mum and Vicky. Mum has been there with me all of the way since age 11, all the way through the tests, the surgeries, the treatments and of course at times the somewhat painful, uncomfortable and degrading side effects.



How she put up with me when I was going through rounds of Clomid I'll never know. I was a hormonal mess. Between that Decadently and Depo Provera shots, HRT, trips to A&E, hospital stays, countless hot water bottles, discovering the electric heat pad for me. kindness, love and encouragement. I think the Woman  deserves an award. My Mum means the entire world to be and there is.no possible way I'll ever be able to thank her for everything.g she has done for me and for everything.g she will do for me. I categorically live her with every fibre of my bring and truly believe she's entitled to a shoutout for everything she has sacrificed to make sure I'm well and rake care of. She doesn't let it show too much how difficult it is fir her to watch me go through pain and I know she feels helpless but that kiss, that cuddle, the hug every morning and the love you every night. That's what get you through. I try my best to make her proud and be strong for her and Vicks.

Vicky is like a breath of fresh air. She was about 12 when I first attended the hospital and I do recall her very kindly help.g me ti shower the day I came home from surgery. She even shaved my legs. Fond memory. :-) it's silly things.g's that I remember, that I'll hold onto. Vicks always listens to me, gives some amazing advice and is growing into an incredible young woman. She very sweetly offered to be my surrogate if I ever got to that point. The thing is I know she would actually do that for me. We have a bond that transcends time and space



I don't tell her often enough how unbelievably proud I am of her and her accomplishments to date. She will most definitely leave her mark on this world. You just can't be around and not feel happy.
The first time I saw her I felt an overwhelming surge of live for this tiny being. I took her hand and she held my thumb so tightly that it was there, in that very moment we bonded. Our twin souls had found each other again. she is my Bobi and I her Pipi. Only we know what that means. We have our very own language and the five years between us that once seemed do monstrous a gap is no just the blink of an eye. So she too deserves a shout put. For all the times I was anf will be moody, snappy and too sarky I love you Bobi for loving me and never once making me feel like damaged goods.

You help build my confidence and make me believe in who I am. I could go on c and on really but I must stop.

I am so lucky to have these two strong. Beautiful. Intelligent women on my life.

So thank you!

XxxxX

The Three Musketeers 13th March 2014
Million Women March for Endometriosis

Mum and I with a somewhat blurry Coco.

My Bobi and I. Cuddles! Always makes me feel better. Endo had a good hold on me at this point but Vicks is keeping me smiling here.


.

Just before Christmas 2013. Vicks and I being silly and makeup free.When we get hyper it's like being a kid again with her. I hope that never goes away.

Take a deep breath and place bot feet firmly on the ground. Tap into that natural raw energy from the Earth, draw on it and face each day as it comes.

Fur Babies

I think it high time I introduce you to my fur babies. These are my little companions, my comforts. They instinctively know when I'm in pain. It's incredible really. In total we have 6 cats, two male, four female and one very adorable puppy.

They are like an extension of my family, another branch of support. There in the good times and we have great fun. But they never leave me when I need them mist. Even when I think I want to be left alone and dont want any social interaction they will come over to me, not all at once, and either sit on my lap or curl up at my feet, even sometimes curl into my stomach if I'm lying on my side.

They are truly remarkable and some of you may think I've lost the plot talking about what you would consider "pets" but they are so much more than that to me. You can get me a ticket for the crazy train if you wish but I won't be getting on. My fur babies are great comfort and joy and they deserve a shootout today.

Love to my Endo Sister's
XxxxX

Coco (Our seven month old puppy. He's a miniature cross between a King Charles and a Jack Russell Terrier) Such an affectionate little guy. He has the run of the house, will only sleep on a double bed and will eat anything. Thinks he's human. Favorite toy at the moment is a seashell(go figure) Best friend is Caspey. 

This extremely handsome guy is Beau a.k.a Beau Bonnell, Tommy Beau Beau, My Liege, Sir Lionheart, Lord of Banniballia, Bannibals, Jelly Belly, Freckle Face, Beau Beau Baggins , and Monkey Man. Beau is Vicky's baby. My fur nephew if you will :-) He is the Father of the three Babies which are coming up next. He enjoys Tuna, chicken, lasagne anf meatballs. He's obsessed with Game of Thrones and thinks he is a King. Beau Beau enjoys his tail being pulled, his ears and head being scratched and under his chin. He gets very dribbly and will drool and purr loudly when happy. He's also been known to snore quite loudly. 

Here we have Merriadoc Brandybuck a.k.a Merry, Sketchy, Sketchy Etchy, The Elusive One, Mer. Merry is one of the three kittens that were born and since a baby she's had a very unique character. She really only likes one on one human interaction. Any sudden movements and she's out of the room in a flash. We slag and say she has secret tunnels around the house, she moves that quickly and quietly from room to room. She was the first kitten to open an eye. The were born on the 8th of September 2008 and in the 9th she opened one gorgeous bright blue eye. So I called her "one eyed Joe" for a few days until I decided on names. She enjoys her cuddles when she let's you. Catching her for wash time and nail trimming is a nightmare but I wouldn't change her for the world. 

Here we have Star a.k.a Star Bar, Shaky Legs, Missy Moo, Yippy. Star is the Queen. She's my Mum's baby and Mother to the three kittens. She has the funniest miaow. She yips instead, like she's talking to you. She purrs like a helicopter, struts like Marilyn Monroe and at the moment likes to hang out in the kitchen. Her are Beau were rescued from a Green Recycling Bin. Someone had put them and another kitten in the wheelie bin. The lady that found them kept the other kitten and we took Beau and Star. Vicks had wanted a kitten for a long time so two was a nice surprise. They were so tiny. We knew nothing about cats so didn't realise we had a male and a female until Star began putting on a considerable amount of weight on one side it seemed. Vicky's friend had cats and pointed out Star was pregnant. Well we got Beau neutered right away. Then got the stethoscope out and heard the heartbeats of the babies. She was carrying one on her left, two on her right side. Then they began kicking as they grew. It was amazing. Vicky made a nesting box for Star to give birth in when the time came but Star had other plans. It was the crack of dawn. Everyone was asleep. When suddenly Vicky screamed "Come quick, she's had them!" Well we all jumped out of bed and ran downstairs. There was Star, on the armchair in the living room, curled up with two beautiful little babies. We were amazed. Everything was so neat and tidy. Mum heard an eek sound and sure enough there's another kitten after climbing up the armchair to the top. So Mum placed the little one back down to Star who immediately began to groom her baby. It's a day I'll never forget. I'm so glad that things turned out the way they did. I wouldn't swap my fur babies for anything. 

Caspe a.k. a Caspey, Crispy Cream, Crispius Cremus, Baby Man, Caspey Doodles, Eek! Casper is my little baby. He's the youngest Cat. I rescued him on the 31st August 2010. This date happens to be my Grandfather's Birthday. He's in spirit twenty three years and honestly on that day I had no intention to get another pet. I mean we had five cats at this point. But I was out shopping with my Mum and a friend at the time and I had a sudden urge to call into the vets to see if they had any kittens that needed a home. They had had two kittens but one had just been rehoused. Casper's Brother had literally been taken just before we got there (I probably would have taken them both) so he was all alone. This tiny black and white balk of fur with icy blue eyes. I just had to bring him home. So our vet is linked with the DSPCA (Dublin Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) and they will do a home check before they release an animal into your care. Well the two ladies came straight out to the house, met the cats. We had a lovely chat and a cup of tea and within a few ours Casper was in the palm of my hand eeking his little head off. He has a habit since a kitten of sucking his leg, he kisses you and rubs his nose up against your face, sits on your lap and always curls into my tummy when my Endo is bad. He a company animal. He has an addiction to dreamies and the felix goodies. Once he here's the bag opening he runs for them.

Star and Merry

Indy a.k.a Indian Jones, Fluffy Princess, Adventure Kitty, Ind. Indy is a really quite, no trouble at all cat. She will venture upstairs to me when I'm lying out and simply curl up behind my knees or my back. She loves company and human food. I actually think she has hollow legs. Either that or she's storing up for the apocalypse. Anytime the fridge opens she's sure to be there chancing her paw for a treat. She has inherited many of Star's traits, even a little bit of the strut but at the same time is such a character all on her own. I swear she doesn't groom though I think her philosophy is "why should I do it when these giant hairless cats are willing to do it for me?" because sure enough anytime you pet her you end up coming away with excess fur. I devised a method of "plucking" her. It's much more gentle than it sounds, trust me. She loves it. I'll post a video one day maybe. 

Afternoon nap. Auntie Vicks and Casper chilling out.

Casper and Star Star has somewhat adopted Casper into the fold now)

Th three Babies. They used to sleep like this alot.
Pip, Merry and Indy

One of Merry's many hiding spots.

Perrigrin Took a.k.a Pip, Pippin, Pippy, Pippy Long Ears, Pipple,Peaslip,Pippy Doodles, Pippla, She who whines alot. To say Pip is a character doesn't begin to explain it. She is hilarious, stroppy, living and moody all at the same time. Like a teenager. It's amusing. She got herself locked inside the local Church for two weeks one Summer. I was convinced she had been stolen or knocked down, something awful. I couldn't sleep, my stomach was in knots. I was so upset that I scarcely believed it when she came sauntering back in the door. It was a warm Summer's day. I was trying to study, Mum was in the back garden and in strolls Pip. She was so thin from not having been fed but oh was I glad to have her back. I spoiled her rotten. Gave her anything she wanted but all she wanted was her normal food and her spot on my bed and company. Her and Coco have a love/hate relationship but I think they'll get there.

Beau looking very fetching.


I'm fully aware that this post has nothing to do with Endo as such but these guys are also in a way part of my support network. They offer unconditional love, never judge and I don't have to ever explain anything to them. I have a great respect for animals and through my own personal beliefs I know that we are all connected in such a way that language isn't the only way of communicating.


Anyway I hope you enjoyed getting to know my fur babies. If you guys have any, please feel free to share.

Love to my Endo Sister's and their families.
XxxxX 

Ah insomnia, how are you?

As I mentioned earlier I've been having a bit if a rough day. I didn't really sleep at all last night and today I felt so sore and my muscles felt so heavy that I knew I was over tired aswell.

So I took my nighttime medications around 20:45 thereabouts and nothing. No relief nor hint of the sweet release of sleep
 I feel like a snake curled up, head in the air, ready to strike. My Mum has been absolutely fantastic today. She never makes me feel guilty when my Endo flares up and I can't do basic chores. She actually told me to "stop saying sorry". Do as you're told I guess.

Anyway, I digress. Here are some photos of my"Endo face ",  taken about two hours ago".

Stay strong my Sisters. Love you all. XxxxX

Mini Rant (not enough energy for a full one)

It's 20:00 here in Dublin, Ireland and to be quite honest I have been about as useful today as a butter knife to a T-bone. Since last night I've been in a considerable amount of pain which over the day has been exhausting every inch of me. At this very moment my back aches, my pelvis obviously, my thighs, shoulders evenot down to my ankles are sore. I feel like someone came in a kicked me around for a while without my knowledge. Or lije I'm being slowly squeezed out by thorns or wire of some sore. It's sharp, pointy evil shooting pain. This picture actually helps a little to describe it.

I know this may read like a massive whine and plead for sympathy but do not mistake me. When you feel like you have a dozen knives slicing through you and ten hands tearing you apart all while you try not to vomit, keep taking in fluids and cling onto your last bit of sanity so you don't pass out, the last thing you're looking for is someone staring at you with an "oh you poor thing" face. Girl power and all but ease.up a little lads.

I pledged to keep writing especially on the bad days when the pain is freshly in my mind so I'm afraid you're all getting it both barrels. There have been comments on my FB page of the same name as tjis blog saying some very supportive and sweet thisng's. One word that keeps cropping up however is "brave". It's not brave to show my face through this process. I think rather you, the reader, are the brave one, you don't know what you're about to witness or read. It's my goal to spread awareness about Endometriosis so we need to stop hiding and end the silence.

I am utterly shattered so I am going to bid you farewell for now and I'll update soon.

New Perspective

This post has been on my mind for a little while now but with my attention being focused on events last week I just haven't got round to it until now. This year so far for me has been very fortunate. I've,touch wood, not needed to attend the hospital or the ER and my Endo has generally been at a tolerable level. Obviously some days are worse than others,we all know how it goes.

Through my writing and general talking, spreading awareness about Endometriosis I've made a lot of friends, Endo Sister's and contacts with various charities. However, recently I've been dating a very charming, handsome, interesting man. (I won't list too many things here or I will get off point) We have been communicating for quite some time now and from the beginning of our friendship, earlier on this year,he knew all about this blog and my efforts to organise a Mini March for Endo. It's refreshing to be able to go on a date and not feel like you have this big secret that people will judge you by. For me anyway it's rare that I find men to be forwardly curious about Endo. I have a few close friends who would know what it is from obviously over the years being around me but never straight from the get go. It's interesting. refreshing and slightly relieving all at the same time. (Although I could be just mesmerised by his accent, he's half French. We'll see.)

I don't know about anyone else but I've gotten very strange reactions to my Endo. One friend stopped talking to me after she gave birth saying she thought it would be too weird for me to be around considering I was told at the time I couldn't conceive. The prognosis has since changed for me but the friendship suffered greatly.

I don't like to be treated like a fragile piece of glass that will shatter at the slightest touch. People don't need to walk on eggshells but it's funny how they react.

I digress. So, we were talking about my fundraising and Endo Awareness and he (the spellbinding accent guy)was very interested to just know more about why it's not being made as publicly known as it should be. It was an intellectual conversation not an "oh poor you with the dodgy womb" conversation.

One night after we were chatting he sent me a YouTube link. It was a lecture been given about Endometriosis and the link between a lack of iodine being the cause.

If you simply Google, Iodine, Endometriosis, you will find a ton of legit page's of research stating that it stands a good chance of curing Endo.

I found this link below myself. They state that if Iodine can cure Fibrocystic Breast to Disease then it can cure Endometriosis.
http://curezone.org/faq/q.asp?a=13,281,2962&q=595

There's no harm in looking for alternatives. I feel that people will enter and exit your life when they are meant to and if nothing else this has given me an entire new perspective on my approach towards alternative remedies.

As always, stay strong.

Xxxx

Hello Endo my old friend

I made it through Paddy's Day without an incident. My lower back was achy and as usual the ovaries were fighting over who loved me the best, although showing it through pain is not ideal for me.

Cut to 22:00 thereabouts, my Endo starts attacking, a flare up I'll call it for now. In keeping with my no holes barred approach this year here's how I'm looking right now. (Pic's below)

Not a comforting site I know. But I will get through it. I have an amazing family around me and some very understanding friends.
Let's hope this flare up doesn't out stay it's welcome. Other than that life is good.

Love to my sisters and their families.

Stay strong
XxxxX