A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor.

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Sleep is overrated right? I did manage to drift off around 3:00 a.m but then woke up just after 4:15 a.m and could not sleep. I had a pillow under my legs as they kept cramping all night. My calves are literally so sore when I'm moving. Even having then elevated my ankles hurt and then the spasms shoot straight up  my calves. Then there's the thigh pain. Literally, a lot of people don't realise the other aches and pains that get triggered when you're having a flare up. My shoulders feel like I have a bag of potatoes strapped to my bag, especially between the shoulder blades. Tender breasts, not to mention a lovely heat rash under them which I'm currently staving off with  Zinc Oxide.

To keep with my promise I made this year below you'll find three photo's of me over the course of this morning. Honestly, I've had a little cry because the pain has just floored me. My back, pelvic area, ovaries, abdomen, just everything is so sore. I'm hoping that this all just means that my body is still regulating itself as I am off treatment at the moment.

Feeling completely overwhelmed 8:00 a.m

Meltdown over. 

Exhausted and fed up 9:15 a.m

Please, I just need a little break 10:43a.m

OK, I had to take a break there. Using my breathing techniques after I had a little outburst. Sometimes, although I try to stay positive in my mind my situation just drowns me so releasing that energy and letting it go rather than bottling it up is the best way I've found to deal when this happens. It's not a regular occurance because I do tend to let things build in my head (which I'm working on) but dealing with it, just recognizing the emotions I feel is a much healthier way of coping.

So I am once again partially horizontal, attempting to study but honestly can't concentrate. Irritated and frustrated but I am reminded time and time again that it's only temporary. Just like a storm this too shall pass.
Meanwhile, I will read, try to nap and hope I feel a bit better later on. Looking forward to seeing my Mum this evening. The weather is looking good enough for a BBQ and of course the World Cup final is on. Mum is up for Germany, Rodney Argentina so that in itself will be entertaining for me.

Summery blue toenails. Cramped and swollen legs elevated now.

My wonderful boyfriend Rodney is starting his holidays today and I'm looking forward to spending some quality time together. I don't care if it rains.

Wishing you all a lovely, restful Sunday. Love to my endo Sisters and thank you for all of your kind words and support.

XxxX

Scared yes, foolish perhaps, stubborn most definitely.

Hi all, forgive my absence I've been having a rough time with my Endo of late. So bad that on Tuesday morning I actually gave myself a fright. For a few days previous I had an intense pain in my right side. Not a familiar pain, like a sharp stabbing pain just under my last rib. Too high I thought for it to be connected with my Endo and I had planned to see my G.P Tuesday evening if the pain did not ease. 

{I know many people would say to go straight away to the hospital if you have a sudden intense pain but when you are experiencing pain daily and you are accustomed to a certain amount of unexplained intense pain I think you can become a little bit complacent about things. Well I can only speak for myself but I think this is the reason I don't run to A&E each and every time I've a new pain as I'd be in there every week and that's not the life I choose to live. My apologies if this offends anyone, it's not my intention.}

So with that in mind I was minding my own, doing some chores when all of a sudden this tearing pain just floored me. I mean literally. I fell to the floor with the pain. It shot right through my body, spasmed around my back and even into my legs. I was clutching my abdomen having no idea what was happening to me. It felt at if someone was twisting my ovary and pinching it until finally I felt what I can only describe as a "pop" or a sudden "burst".  The pain lasted several minutes with such an intensity I had to focus on my breathing, using techniques I have learned over the past few years. Of course it would be a day I was at home alone. I couldn't even get to my phone from where I was. I just had to ride the pain out. Those minutes felt like flaming hours. It was intense to say the least and one of the worst pains I've experienced in sometime. 

Ten times worse than this picture could depict. I would have taken the barbed wire I swear. 

When I was finally able to move I noticed there was a lot of blood, clots and tissue has passed. It was a scare to say the least. I must point out that I did not proceed to the Emergency Room. I rang my hospital and spoke to someone from the Gynae Team. I have in my possession Cyklokapron and Primolut and was advised to take these to stop the bleeding as that's really all they would do for in hospital. When I described my symtpoms it was loosely agreed that it was an ovarian cyst that had ruptured. The person I spoke to obviously will not be named and they couldn't assure me that staying at home was my best option. They encouraged me to come in for a scan but having been through this process several times before I felt fairly confidant that the pain would pass with the clots. 

Today I am much better. Even yesterday the pain was completely gone from my right side.

I found out from my pharmacist that the painkillers prescribed my my G.P are no longer on the market as there were not enough people on them. I have decided to return to a homepathic remedy I know well. Touch wood, all is going well today. I managed to get some sleep last night which I really needed and between my boyfriend looking after me, then going to visit my Mum and Sis. I have so much support and I am eternally grateful for them. 

Ah insomnia, how are you?

As I mentioned earlier I've been having a bit if a rough day. I didn't really sleep at all last night and today I felt so sore and my muscles felt so heavy that I knew I was over tired aswell.

So I took my nighttime medications around 20:45 thereabouts and nothing. No relief nor hint of the sweet release of sleep
 I feel like a snake curled up, head in the air, ready to strike. My Mum has been absolutely fantastic today. She never makes me feel guilty when my Endo flares up and I can't do basic chores. She actually told me to "stop saying sorry". Do as you're told I guess.

Anyway, I digress. Here are some photos of my"Endo face ",  taken about two hours ago".

Stay strong my Sisters. Love you all. XxxxX