So for the past six weeks I have not stopped bleeding. I went through Primolut N, Cerazette, Cyklokapron and then Primolut N again.
I feel a little in the dark here as I don't know what's going to work for me.
My G.P informs me that if it doesn't stop I must present to casualty. I am severely anemic despite taking Iron supplements and eating Iron rich food, so tired, irritable, having leg cramps and unreal pain in my abdomen especially my left side where the OBGYN found a cyst at the start of the year but my next scan is not until July. I already had a cyst on my ovary rupture approximately eight weeks ago. But once the pain subsided I felt OK. I did not attend A&E this time as these cysts pop quite regularly and by the time I get to Emergency there is very little they can do and all they see on the Ultrasound is the membrane from the cyst.
I have found that throughout my battle with Endo that no matter how difficult things get, we must push through. It's not the easiest thing to do at all and sometimes you literally want to curl up until the pain goes away as, well for me anyway, there's no pain relief to be found when I am having a bad Endo day.
That day is today and despite wanting to be around people and have a cuddle from someone I'm also very hormonal and irritable. I can't make up my mind whether I want company or to be alone so I'm not asked every half hour how I'm doing or people telling me "you don't look well, you're in pain aren't you?" I know they are concerned and trying to help but I find it hard to actually let people help me with my Endo.
Sometimes I feel it's something I have to fight on my own and essentially it is. But I can be quite dismissive when my family and other half are trying to help me, soother me and comfort me. I can get quite annoyed. It's not even that they would claim to understand what I'm feeling (although my Mum would have an idea having had Endo herself) it's just that they feel helpless, I feel helpless and this situation does not help anyone.
I'm sure many Women have gone or are going through similar situations. It's all about finding that inner strength to let people in and realize that although we may be battling this and the pain and discomfort is happening to us does not mean that we don't all need a bit of support does it?
We need to let those that genuinely want to help into our lives and stop thinking it's something we can control, fight/ease on our own.
As always my Sisters stay strong, feel free to comment and share how you are supported through this fight.
