Personal Discovery

I'm aware that I can be a somewhat stubborn person. I can dig my heels in about an idea and refuse to give in or go along for peace sake. So I do not enter into situations lightly. I like to assess, carefully calculate any risks, know my opponent/s and gave all the information to hand so to speak. This has mainly been my approach with fighting Endo. To learn as much as I can, to study and listen to my body, keeping a journal of important information for my Doctor's so we can attack the situation. It's proved very useful over the years but has maybe leaked into other aspects of my life and it's only recently that I've realised this about myself.

There are certain social situations that have occurred lately and to be honest for once I've not immediately known how to react. I've had to go off the cuff. It's surprising to me because I've dealt with some fairly complex situations and logic has always been my companion. Chemistry and biology it seems now is my challenger. I have built up a wall, an invisible, theoretical wall but a shield nonetheless. Here's the thing. My filter is wobbly. I'm ready to deflect comments straight away, make light of situations or do anything that involves my not actually having to answer a personal question. Comedy and sarcasm are two ways I respond in many situations. Other than than I can get lost inside my head.

Here's the other thing. My charming, handsome man I've been dating is incredibly different from other people I've known. There's a strange sense of coincidence's and without meaning to we share similar thought patterns and beliefs. It's a statistical anomaly for the scientific minds and a happy coincidence for the wishful thinkers. But for those of us who have a deeper spiritual connection we may find something else is at play here. Something you can't control.

You don't necessarily want to yet part of you wants in on the plan. Whatever it is, I know I don't stop smiling when he's around and he's already charmed my Sis and Mum, says incredibly sweet things, thinks of the minutest detail that let's you know you've been thought about, makes me feel really comfortable and I'm almost waiting for someone to call "cut!". It's crazy, ridiculous and slightly mad.

But one must try to keep a level head here. I'm not the swoon over the guy type. I'm also not usually this frank about discussing any matters that may fringe near my "lub dub machine" but there we go. 

To continue my ramblings,  I can literally count on each hand the people in my life who I would consider to actually "know me", the real me, the one without the shield, free from constraints of sarcastic deflectation. I'm ok with that. I trust those people and yet even with them sometimes my guard will go up. (Yes, I'm truly aware the issue is within myself and I'm a work in progress so no need to point it out.) 

He wants to know more and more about me and for once I am not hesitant to share my secrets.  To say I feel bare when he looks at me is an understatement. To quote James Cameron, it's like a scene from Avatar, he's actually said; "I see you" and I know he's not referring simply to my physical being. I also know it's not simply just a physical attraction. 

My thoughts are jumbled. I know I'm a culprit of overthinking but I need to get a grip here. I'm like an open book at the minute and I'm unsure whether to reign it in or let my mind run wild and free. Just let go a little bit, loosen these constraints I've held over myself for so long.

I'm on the edge of that cliff, the hand is being held out for me. Do I grab hold and jump? I guess I'll find out soon enough.

Love you guys XxxxX

Fur Babies

I think it high time I introduce you to my fur babies. These are my little companions, my comforts. They instinctively know when I'm in pain. It's incredible really. In total we have 6 cats, two male, four female and one very adorable puppy.

They are like an extension of my family, another branch of support. There in the good times and we have great fun. But they never leave me when I need them mist. Even when I think I want to be left alone and dont want any social interaction they will come over to me, not all at once, and either sit on my lap or curl up at my feet, even sometimes curl into my stomach if I'm lying on my side.

They are truly remarkable and some of you may think I've lost the plot talking about what you would consider "pets" but they are so much more than that to me. You can get me a ticket for the crazy train if you wish but I won't be getting on. My fur babies are great comfort and joy and they deserve a shootout today.

Love to my Endo Sister's
XxxxX

Coco (Our seven month old puppy. He's a miniature cross between a King Charles and a Jack Russell Terrier) Such an affectionate little guy. He has the run of the house, will only sleep on a double bed and will eat anything. Thinks he's human. Favorite toy at the moment is a seashell(go figure) Best friend is Caspey. 

This extremely handsome guy is Beau a.k.a Beau Bonnell, Tommy Beau Beau, My Liege, Sir Lionheart, Lord of Banniballia, Bannibals, Jelly Belly, Freckle Face, Beau Beau Baggins , and Monkey Man. Beau is Vicky's baby. My fur nephew if you will :-) He is the Father of the three Babies which are coming up next. He enjoys Tuna, chicken, lasagne anf meatballs. He's obsessed with Game of Thrones and thinks he is a King. Beau Beau enjoys his tail being pulled, his ears and head being scratched and under his chin. He gets very dribbly and will drool and purr loudly when happy. He's also been known to snore quite loudly. 

Here we have Merriadoc Brandybuck a.k.a Merry, Sketchy, Sketchy Etchy, The Elusive One, Mer. Merry is one of the three kittens that were born and since a baby she's had a very unique character. She really only likes one on one human interaction. Any sudden movements and she's out of the room in a flash. We slag and say she has secret tunnels around the house, she moves that quickly and quietly from room to room. She was the first kitten to open an eye. The were born on the 8th of September 2008 and in the 9th she opened one gorgeous bright blue eye. So I called her "one eyed Joe" for a few days until I decided on names. She enjoys her cuddles when she let's you. Catching her for wash time and nail trimming is a nightmare but I wouldn't change her for the world. 

Here we have Star a.k.a Star Bar, Shaky Legs, Missy Moo, Yippy. Star is the Queen. She's my Mum's baby and Mother to the three kittens. She has the funniest miaow. She yips instead, like she's talking to you. She purrs like a helicopter, struts like Marilyn Monroe and at the moment likes to hang out in the kitchen. Her are Beau were rescued from a Green Recycling Bin. Someone had put them and another kitten in the wheelie bin. The lady that found them kept the other kitten and we took Beau and Star. Vicks had wanted a kitten for a long time so two was a nice surprise. They were so tiny. We knew nothing about cats so didn't realise we had a male and a female until Star began putting on a considerable amount of weight on one side it seemed. Vicky's friend had cats and pointed out Star was pregnant. Well we got Beau neutered right away. Then got the stethoscope out and heard the heartbeats of the babies. She was carrying one on her left, two on her right side. Then they began kicking as they grew. It was amazing. Vicky made a nesting box for Star to give birth in when the time came but Star had other plans. It was the crack of dawn. Everyone was asleep. When suddenly Vicky screamed "Come quick, she's had them!" Well we all jumped out of bed and ran downstairs. There was Star, on the armchair in the living room, curled up with two beautiful little babies. We were amazed. Everything was so neat and tidy. Mum heard an eek sound and sure enough there's another kitten after climbing up the armchair to the top. So Mum placed the little one back down to Star who immediately began to groom her baby. It's a day I'll never forget. I'm so glad that things turned out the way they did. I wouldn't swap my fur babies for anything. 

Caspe a.k. a Caspey, Crispy Cream, Crispius Cremus, Baby Man, Caspey Doodles, Eek! Casper is my little baby. He's the youngest Cat. I rescued him on the 31st August 2010. This date happens to be my Grandfather's Birthday. He's in spirit twenty three years and honestly on that day I had no intention to get another pet. I mean we had five cats at this point. But I was out shopping with my Mum and a friend at the time and I had a sudden urge to call into the vets to see if they had any kittens that needed a home. They had had two kittens but one had just been rehoused. Casper's Brother had literally been taken just before we got there (I probably would have taken them both) so he was all alone. This tiny black and white balk of fur with icy blue eyes. I just had to bring him home. So our vet is linked with the DSPCA (Dublin Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) and they will do a home check before they release an animal into your care. Well the two ladies came straight out to the house, met the cats. We had a lovely chat and a cup of tea and within a few ours Casper was in the palm of my hand eeking his little head off. He has a habit since a kitten of sucking his leg, he kisses you and rubs his nose up against your face, sits on your lap and always curls into my tummy when my Endo is bad. He a company animal. He has an addiction to dreamies and the felix goodies. Once he here's the bag opening he runs for them.

Star and Merry

Indy a.k.a Indian Jones, Fluffy Princess, Adventure Kitty, Ind. Indy is a really quite, no trouble at all cat. She will venture upstairs to me when I'm lying out and simply curl up behind my knees or my back. She loves company and human food. I actually think she has hollow legs. Either that or she's storing up for the apocalypse. Anytime the fridge opens she's sure to be there chancing her paw for a treat. She has inherited many of Star's traits, even a little bit of the strut but at the same time is such a character all on her own. I swear she doesn't groom though I think her philosophy is "why should I do it when these giant hairless cats are willing to do it for me?" because sure enough anytime you pet her you end up coming away with excess fur. I devised a method of "plucking" her. It's much more gentle than it sounds, trust me. She loves it. I'll post a video one day maybe. 

Afternoon nap. Auntie Vicks and Casper chilling out.

Casper and Star Star has somewhat adopted Casper into the fold now)

Th three Babies. They used to sleep like this alot.
Pip, Merry and Indy

One of Merry's many hiding spots.

Perrigrin Took a.k.a Pip, Pippin, Pippy, Pippy Long Ears, Pipple,Peaslip,Pippy Doodles, Pippla, She who whines alot. To say Pip is a character doesn't begin to explain it. She is hilarious, stroppy, living and moody all at the same time. Like a teenager. It's amusing. She got herself locked inside the local Church for two weeks one Summer. I was convinced she had been stolen or knocked down, something awful. I couldn't sleep, my stomach was in knots. I was so upset that I scarcely believed it when she came sauntering back in the door. It was a warm Summer's day. I was trying to study, Mum was in the back garden and in strolls Pip. She was so thin from not having been fed but oh was I glad to have her back. I spoiled her rotten. Gave her anything she wanted but all she wanted was her normal food and her spot on my bed and company. Her and Coco have a love/hate relationship but I think they'll get there.

Beau looking very fetching.


I'm fully aware that this post has nothing to do with Endo as such but these guys are also in a way part of my support network. They offer unconditional love, never judge and I don't have to ever explain anything to them. I have a great respect for animals and through my own personal beliefs I know that we are all connected in such a way that language isn't the only way of communicating.


Anyway I hope you enjoyed getting to know my fur babies. If you guys have any, please feel free to share.

Love to my Endo Sister's and their families.
XxxxX 

Our first annual March for Endo 2014 (photos)

Although the event actually happened on the 13th of March, almost a week ago I am only now able to get the photo's to you. This is partly due to the fact that the photo's were taken on a Friend's camera and partly due to the fact I have been in considerable pain so it kept going out of my head.

Without further ado I give you photographic evidence of our March for Endo event 2014;

Mum and I (Both diagnosed with Endo, Mum had a hysterectomy at 32. I am currently fighting stage IV) Mum could not be anymore supportive of me if she tried. She is my biggest advocate, my counsel and my best friend. To say I love her doesn't even begin to explain it. I have a great respect an admiration for my Mum. She is one of my champions. She knew by my symptoms at an early age, having had Endo herself that something wasn't right and she fought hard until I seen a specialist and underwent tests, surgeries and treatments. Without her help I would have been waiting a lot longer to be diagnosed.

My Sister's (Kelly on the left Vicky on the right) Vicky is my baby Sister, my Bobi. She is the yin to my yang. Kelly is her best friend and has been "adopted" into our family. She is like another Sister. She is incredibly supportive of this cause as is Vicks and I love them both so much. They always make me laugh and smile. Neither, thankfully have been diagnosed with Endo. Due to our strong family history with Endo we do keep a close eye on Vicks and Kells is well aware of the symptoms.

A group photo on March night.

I have always been adamant that men should also get involved in spreading awareness of Endometriosis. A better understanding of this illness needs to happen. I don't know why women want to hide it away. As one of the symptoms can be painful sex you need to be able to speak frankly with your partner about Endo. I'm not saying shout it out on a first date or tell every guy you meet as you introduce yourself but it is part of us whether we like it or not. We need to accept it and then others will be able to accept us as we are.

All of my friends male and female are aware of Endometriosis, what it is, what the symptoms are, and the ins and outs of it. From the guys point of view the majority have the viewpoint that they are glad to know because if they were involved with someone who was displaying any of the symptoms and they weren't aware then perhaps they could encourage them to seek medical help and maybe get diagnosed. This is all hypothetical of course but it's a good point I think.

Well that's enough of that. We will continue to raise funds for the EAI through the sale of our charity t-shirts.

As always, stay strong my Endo Sister's
XxxxX

Ah insomnia, how are you?

As I mentioned earlier I've been having a bit if a rough day. I didn't really sleep at all last night and today I felt so sore and my muscles felt so heavy that I knew I was over tired aswell.

So I took my nighttime medications around 20:45 thereabouts and nothing. No relief nor hint of the sweet release of sleep
 I feel like a snake curled up, head in the air, ready to strike. My Mum has been absolutely fantastic today. She never makes me feel guilty when my Endo flares up and I can't do basic chores. She actually told me to "stop saying sorry". Do as you're told I guess.

Anyway, I digress. Here are some photos of my"Endo face ",  taken about two hours ago".

Stay strong my Sisters. Love you all. XxxxX