Reflections (Part 1)

Finished the dose of 50mg of Clomid last Saturday, the 10th of March. First round, done & dusted.

Have had a very nauseous stomach, a little spotting & some PMS like moody moments but compared to the Endo pains & tribulations this is small change for me. So all in all I'm looking at this positively & also fingers crossed am hoping the treatment works out to our advantage over the coming months.

Things in general have been quite turbulent the past few weeks & at times I do wonder if we'd made the right choice to begin treatment for the infertility problem now but if not now after almost two years of TTC then when?

Is there ever a right time to be pregnant, be trying, give birth? Or does everything happen in it's own time & for it's own reasons.

One has to wonder, even if we don't always have the answers to the questions, it doesn't cost anything to ask. I just need to be happy in the knowledge that I won't always have the answers & neither will anyone else.

Doctors have been "buying time" with me for years, almost 9 now & from being told at 18 that I would never conceive to now being given that chance has flipped the odds in my favor.

I certainly was in no way prepared at 18 to consider having a child, nor did I want to at that time. I was in college, looking forward to my career & so forth & was convinced that it wasn't the choice for me.

Now however, it's a different kettle of fish as it was two years ago when I had that moment where I though I could be pregnant but obviously it turned out to be a falsehood. That started us on our journey, asking questions having tests & so forth. Going off & trying the natural root with a little apprehension because of the past comments by Medical Professionals. But it hasn't stopped us. The Endo is always somewhere in our minds but honestly it doesn't "control" me anymore.

It's been difficult at times to not let it constantly get in the way and of course there are days, hours, minutes where all of my positive thoughts go out the window with the pain I'm in but I know there's got to be an end goal. There's always something I can do to be proactive about this disease whether it's talking about it, writing about it, accepting treatments, medical, natural or otherwise.

If you can keep finding a way to move forward you'll get there eventually. It's like a marathon-pace yourself.