Happy Mama's Day

A lot of my transatlantic friends are celebrating today and rightly so.

For those of you who are feeling a little down today or are wondering if it'll ever happen to you. Keep the faith I say. Whichever faith is completely up to you, staying focused on your goals and remaining positive is the main enemy.

Wherever you are and however you're feeling today tale a moment to be thankful for your Mum, Gran, Aunt or other strong female presence in your life.

Enjoy your day ladies.
Until next time
XxxxX

A Fresh Approach

I've been experiencing a bad time with ovarian pain again of late but after a visit to a wonderful homeopathic shop I am feel much more positive about things. The lady I dealt with recommended on of her colleagues for me to see as the remedy I'm currently taking is on a "stop gap" really and not a treatment for my Endo.

The lady informed that she could tune into my energy and feel the pain I was in.
I honestly didn't know what to say but the understanding from her was quite overwhelming. The card she gave me lists the person as a homeopath and an energy healer.

I had recently been discussing.g my options and right now this sounds like something I more than prepared to try. Fingers crossed.

Will keep you posted. Lots of Love
Andie
XxxX

Reflections

My absence of late can be explained by a number of things. I have been busy studying again, gaining another A in my quest for the ever elusive Herbal Medicine Diploma (determined to get straight A's)

I have also been going through alot emotionally. This year so far has seen many changes for me. From beginning a new relationship and moving in together, rekindling old friendships and letting some people go, there has been enough drama to produce a soap opera.

It got me thinking. How do we keep going? Is it as simple as "we just have to"? In a way I think so. To live a full life we must do our best each day.
Although each day I have pain, at different levels, I have truly found that, upon reflection, the more positive I am about my health the easier the day goes for me emotionally. Over the years, dealing with Endo, PTSD, and a panic disorder I've had to find ways to cope. I've reached rock bottom and it's not pretty. It's a difficult climb back up and your own negative thoughts can really drag you back. But with support and love I got back up on my feet and I don't ever intend to fall off that cliff again.

Sometimes it feels like you're threading water and of course your head is going to go under sometimes, but the important thing is to keep moving, keep going and never give up hope.

Can it ever be normal?

For the past few days I've been having a "normal" period to give myself a break from the hormones and the Cyklkokapron. In theory it sounded fantastic. Oh my body will have to readjust. Some magical Endo fairies perhaps will have come along and made it all better. I'd like to say I was drunk when I had my profound idea but no, I was in my full senses. What on Earth was I thinking?

I already have pain with the medication I'm on so it seems a little bit Sado-Massicist to want this pain right? That's not what I was going for at all. For so long now I have just been thinking and thinking (in case you're not getting exactly how messed up my head is over this) thinking about ways to allow my body to naturally have a cycle again. You see from all of the treatments I have been on over the years it's knocked me completely out of whack and I am a great believer in "Natural Remedies".

I know, go ahead laugh. Because at times we have no choice but to take these scary GNrH Analogues or have surgery and it's all not very natural. I mean to say given a choice I would lean towards alternative remedies such as herbs, homepathic, TCM and Acupuncture but I do admit that sometimes you have no choice but to go to the hospital as the pain and situation are both too great for you to be waiting to see if a remedy will work.


Thursday and Friday of this week have been my absolute worst. There has been tearing, shredding and back wrenching pain so familiar and yet also new. The boyfriend grows concerned when he sees me in pain like this. Over the years we all become masters at hiding out pain but it does show in the eyes.

I am hyper-anaemic and therefore I get very dark cicrcles under my eyes when Im losing a lot, a sign which doesn't go unnoticed. Then there's the fact that he can just see through me so when he asks I'll give an honest answer.

I've been wondering if there ever will be a pattern I can hold too, some sense of normality or will I just have to keep waiting and wondering when the next haemorrage is going to occur, never knowing if I'm ovulating because 1. My Doctor's can never pinpoint on my blood tests the right time of the month 2. They're not keen to do anymore surgery as they want to preserve my fertility 3. The fertility clinic wont look at me until the Gynae Clinic remove the Endo and get a handle on things there.

I'm in a vicious cycle alright, only there are two puppetmaster's in this show and I think it's time I cut the strings.

Love to my Endo Sister's
XxxxxX