March eve (Thoughts for the day)

So it's the day before my first ever "March for Endometriosis" march and of course my Endo decides to makes it's presence known.
(I wouldn't mind but it kind of gave me a few hours off yesterday. I was able to go out and had a very enjoyable evening with a lovely gentlemen, a story for another time perhaps )

Anyway, I've had quite a bit of pain on my left ovary for some time now but over the last two weeks I seem to have a lot of episodes with cysts "popping". My legs literally turn to jelly and at times I have passed out from the pain. Today however I kept myself aware. I did not faint. But I am in quote a lot of pain. It's the really frustrating part of this illness. That you can make all the plans you want but in the end if something happens physically there's not a lot you can do. It can make you feel helpless at times but this is when I believe we need to have a positive attitude. I know that this pain is only temporary. I know that it will pass and I know that I will have many more good days ahead. It's tough sometimes when you feel like you ate letting people down because your body is letting you down but as my very wise Sister said to me "It's not like you deliberately popped a cyst". She can put things into perspective for me when I get anxious and worry to much of the effect I'm having on my family.

My family are just so so supportive it cannot possibly be described effectively. My Mum even has offered to March for me if I'm unable to go tomorrow. Now there's no way in hell I'm missing my own event but it's the unconditional love that comes at no cost that just overwhelms me. Of course like any family we nit pick and debate even sometimes row but the bond between the three of us is something that a lot of people cannot understand but I have found so many are curious about it.

It's not even really an Endo issue because, thankfully my Sister has not been diagnosed although we do keep a watchful eye on her for any symptoms. I feel we have been together in past lives and just this time our dynamic us Mother, Sisters and Daughters but we also have the capability of talking to each other as best friends and confidants which is invaluable when you need to discuss your health mental or physical.

I just wanted to share this because on days like today it makes me truly appreciate who I have in my life and it also makes me realise why I've kept them in my life and let others go.

Wild horses won't keep me from going tomorrow.

Love to my Endo Sister's and Warriors XxxX

I love this because I was and still am to a degree that girl. :-)

Talking to Endo

You've been a part of me for so long that sometimes I can forget you're there. But then you remind me by doing your usual trick. Hurting me the way you do, on this daily basis I am trapped. I am your prisoner. Your hold over me is strong and for you to go is not an option.

We've tried different treatments over the years to help us have an amicable separation but you just won't let go.

You've scarred me for life, you tire me out and you don't apologise to anyone. I have to make the excuses for you all of the time.

Through the agony, blood, sweat and tears I have cursed your name many a time. The stronger you are the weaker I feel.

I knew our paths would cross from an early age. You have tortured my family for years. First, my Mother then my Aunt and now me.
There are 176 million of my Sisters you have tortured along your way and you will continue to do do.

But, what you didn't count on, what you're not prepared for is us fighting back against you.

Yes, my dear dear Endometriosis you may be part of me but you do not define me and I am going to fight you all of the way. Of course some days you may be more powerful than I but I will conserve my energy and remain positive. I will speak out against you. I will encourage any Woman who has your symptoms to be checked by a G.P please and I will pledge here and now that I will never stop fighting you or supporting those in the medical and non medical communities who are constantly researching and testing treatments out and are also trying to develop an early detection test for the future.

This battle is far from over my friend. You see I am what we call an Endo Warrior, backed by my family, friends and Endo Sister's and you well let's just say your number's almost up.

You can't isolate me anymore. I've a strong network of support and love shown to me each and everyday. Even when you are pulling my body apart and stabbing my back. When you cause me so much pain I faint, or I can't eat or sleep I just think to myself words my very wise Mum comforts me with "It won't always be this way".

Sometimes you hurt me more that others but I will bear it. I will get through. Because you don't get to control me anymore. I'm taking back a piece for me. I'm trying to find my strength again with you.

But in the meantime, I will tell as many people as I can about you. Educating people about what you are and do is my goal as always. The more the public are aware, the more this taboo about Endometriosis will be lifted.

You are my demon I must fight. Constantly having little jibes at me. But I will not fight you alone. #Endometriosis #Endo

Love to my Endo Sister's XxxxX

A bit of a mouthful

We are into the second week of March and therefore almost halfway through NEAM. There has been so much support already this year it's been quite overwhelming.


Our "March" is being held this coming Thursday the 13th in Dublin City Centre and although it's the first time I will be holding this type of event I very much hope that it's the beginning of a new chapter for Endometriosis Awareness in Ireland.

I have been asked, as I'm sure many of you have, over the years to define, explain or otherwise sum up in the easiest term imaginable what exactly Endo is. Well, earlier today one of my Endo Sister's happened to share this on her social media page and if you can manage to memorise this one then it's as good an explanation as any I've come across. (I do enjoy the use of the term "malfunction" however. Brings to mind a robot or appliance or some sort but that could just be my humour)

As promised I will be back with more detailed posts well in a few hours actually because technically it's today already. I hope you all had a pain-free weekend and an even better week.

As always if you would like to get in touch either leave a comment here, check out our Facebook page or e-mail here at belladonnaheather@gmail.com

I have 176 million Sisters

I always find that March can drum up a lot of thoughts and questions about Endometriosis that I sometimes may have on the back burner. I've been thinking lately of eighteen year old me and how at the time I fully believed in modern medicine and my Doctor's plan that I would be "symptom free" by age twenty five. It was such a lovely idea at the time and I wanted so much to believe in it that I know for me personally it's why I committed to every single surgery and treatment without much thought to the long term effects it would have on me both physically and mentally.

To a certain extent I was prepared by my Mum for the strong possibility I had Endo as I was displaying similar symptoms to those she hasd. Plus with my Aunt also having been diagnosed and we're almost sure my Grandmother (currently in the process of having her medical notes released to us) had Endo also there us a very strong genetic link's in my family.

I was extremely lucky to have the full support of my Mum when I was diagnosed but when there were days I felt that I was putting too much on her I turned to my Endo Sister's. These are women from all walks of life, age and severity. They are supportive women who you can freely talk to via forums or social media sites.
We will talk about Endo, something good, bad, funny or sad that's happening in our lives and they are an extension of your support network.

It's always easier to communicate with someone who is or has gone through what you are or might be going through. I have always felt accepted by my Endo Sister's and they rally around you when you're having a bad day.

Most of these wonderful, beautiful souls I will never meet. But they should know that each one has touched my life and for that I am grateful. In a time where we are still trying to get people to understand what Endometriosis is I feel blessed to not only have my extremely supportive family but also these women who do feel more like sister's than strangers. Because we share a bond. One that cannot be broken. One that was forged for us. One that I am very appreciative of.

I found this picture on Google(below) and thought it was very apt for young girls/women who are just coming to terms with their diagnosis. It's not all doom and gloom and you always have your Endo Sister's to talk to. Stay strong.